"Don't stand in the sun or you'll turn into a 黑鬼," said mom. Letting go of her side, I clenched my fists, widened my eyes, and walked in the sun through the streets of Hong Kong in rebellion to my mom's comment. I was a stubborn and prideful child. Growing up, I recollect many of the comments made about my skin which is tan like leather, beige like mud, brown like shit.
I am amazed and dumbfounded, because I just realized how ugly I am.
"You're so black, I thought you were Filipino. I can't believe you're Kelly's sister. I would never think you were Chinese, because you're so black."
"Why are you so black?"
"This one is so black."
"Why are you so black, is the sun hotter in America?"
All these comments, I've heard all my life and I received them as observations, because I am tan, I am dark. I know this and I have never tried to hide my skin color, nor have I ever been ashamed of it. I've always known that my Asian culture had a preference for light colored skin, but I just realized today my people think I am ugly because I am dark. They literally think I am ugly. They literally think I look like shit color and I am disgusting. I told my dad what I realized and he said yes, of course. I feel so shocked. I feel so angry. I feel so sorry for my people that they could be so wrong. I feel so stupid because, I had no idea that I am shit colored.
