Startle

I kept staring at the picture, because I looked just like my mom when she was younger, except my mom was prettier and skinnier, lighter skin. It's like my mom is in that picture, hanging out with my friends. It's like I stole her face. And when I look at the picture that is like a reflection of her, I think, "wow, so beautiful" but not because I think I am beautiful, but I recognize and my mom's face when she was younger, when she was my age. I wish she could see this too, it's amazing me, startling me.

When I look

I have my mother's cheeks.

Dear World

I want to say "Dear World, you have misjudged me! You have underestimated me!"

Cannibis

I can quickly recognize the scent. It's all over campus.

No Voice in My Head

I think God has been speaking to me everyday, I was just listening from the wrong sources. When I calm down and just sit there, I see God had already answered my prayers, my questions. I think today, God has been trying to tell me very bluntly "YOU'RE SO OBLIVIOUS! I'M RIGHT HERE!" haha. So much comfort from my Lord, my King that I do not deserve at all.

The Right Pick

You know you've picked the right major, when you look at others and you pity them thinking, "It's so unfair for them, that I love my major." I am so lucky to love what I study, to study what I love. But I am not trying to be cocky, because I've definitely had my fair share of devastation, hopelessness, and readiness to cry and run to bed and curl up in a ball.

"Doing what you love is the only way you'll succeed" I told a high schooler who told me his parents wanted him to be a doctor instead of a pilot. And I believe that with all my heart, just sometimes.. things get so difficult you forget how lovable something is. Just gotta step back, take a breather.

I look at the other students in other majors, and I pity them because I'm in aviation. But I do it with the hope that when they look at me, they pity me because they're in civil engineering/social work/vocal performance/biochemistry/agriculture/etc. I am so glad I get to do what I love. Now I pray God, that you continue to bless me, let me stay here.

Singularity: Recipe for a Guilty Suspect

One thing I absolutely despise about being single is when the women think I am after their men. I hate it, absolutely hate it. Don't confuse my kindness as flirting. Don't confuse my gentleness as being lovedrunk. Don't confuse it! Don't confuse it!

 I place a large part of the blame on the guy. He thinks he is all that. He thinks he is a great find.

He must think I really admire him. He must think that I think he is so amazing, like the best thing I've ever heard of. He must think I couldn't handle the kindness that he showed for that brief moment. And in many ways he is a great guy. I can't find anything wrong with him except that he thinks of himself very highly. But even if a guy was an ideally perfect bachelor, it doesn't mean I would like him. Even if a guy was hunted down and stalked by lists of girls, it doesn't mean I would like him. Those feelings just come, not like something I can really control. And honestly, I feel absolutely nothing like that for him. Never even a thought of it, seriously.

And I can just feel it, he thinks I'm obsessed. He thinks I'm in love with him. Oh, Lord! I feel like I am being framed! Like they are stuffing a dead cat down my throat! I don't like him! But it feels like I'm being talked about. It feels like I'm being looked down on. It feels like my long held reputation of being clean, innocent, and untouched has been reduced to a desperate, scheming, boyfriend-stealing little Asian girl. I don't want that to be me. His only problem, narcissism, is hurting me. I am so glad my Lord knows my innocence. My Lord knows I would never dare to break people apart, to plot such wickedness, to shame Him like that.

He is such a nice person to talk to. I really appreciate having him as a friend, thinking of him no more than being another brother in Christ because he had my back and I intended to have his. But his narcissism, it is so dumb. I don't think I have ever ever ever ever flirted with him. And I am quite disturbed to even think that I may have given off that sort of vibe.. Ugh.. Disgusting, disturbing, despicable. I honestly hope I am not being used to make the girlfriend try harder to please him. I honestly hope the guy wakes up from his narcissism. I hope the girl realize my innocence. But if none of that happens, I am glad my Lord knows. Because that is all that matters, what my Lord knows. He knows my heart. But I don't think He would want misunderstandings to float around, especially since we are supposed to be the body, especially since we go to the same church.