I have anxiety problems. I am overly emotional and face life with my heart glued to my forehead. It guides me. It consumes me. It is demanding and unable to be silenced.
Sometimes the world feels like it's too much, too dark, too painful. I have been seeking counseling to help unravel my misery, my anxiety, my thoughts.. to get to the root, to find the pattern, to break the cycle.
From my infantile state, poison was spoken into my life.
They hate us because you're not a boy.
They look down on us because of you and where your mom is from.
They will never love your mom or you.
Why are you so stupid?
Why do you bother to go to school when you're just so useless?
Sometimes life feels like a nightmare, like an endless track of horror on replay. What is going on? When will it end? When will it stop? When will I be whole?
Slowly, Victoria. The answer is 'slowly.'
I have been in this cycle for 21 years. The answer is slowly. I can't go home. My nightmare is still playing. It wants to eat me alive. It wants my soul. If I don't wake up, it will have it.
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