Prolonged pressure. My body wearing away from my negligence and abuse. My mind is resisting my will, fluttering in class and dead by noon. My heart has become timid, afraid to ask, to seek, to even hope. God, I am so scared. I wish I had more faith and be an ignorant person. I wish I gave more effort to our relationship so these trivial things would not matter as much to me.
God, what is your plan for me? What will happen tomorrow? The day after? And the one after that? God, I am like a small child, constantly questioning without even a thought for conclusion. I despise this state of mine. I loathe myself for the dignity I gave up.
Is this a hormonal thing and I'm stuck at a mood-swing? Or is this a result of my poor judgement and idiocracy? I'm sorry, I've been a bad child. I'm sorry that I've said so many sorries, that it doesn't even look sincere anymore. What can I say? I'll change, God. I'll better myself. I'll never think of it again. But I don't know. I possess a back stabbing heart. I just keep cutting into your heart, taking selfish joy in your pain. I'm not even sure why I am so upset anymore. Pray that this is just bad timing.
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