70x7

I'm not ashamed of my family, my social status, my God, my Jesus, my education, my friends, but I'm ashamed of myself.

I thought I was ashamed that I'm not going to a name brand school, but I'm ashamed that people might think less of me.
I thought I was ashamed of my faith's judgmental stereotype, but I'm ashamed that people might think less of me.
I thought I was ashamed of my crap-metal car whose presence was sounded miles away by its rustic parts, but I'm ashamed that people might think less of me.

God, fix me. Help me care less about what people think

set up for healing. set up for healing. set it up

God puts passion in our hearts and made us each unique.  What is mine, Lord? Kids, social justice, aviation?

"What do you like to do?"

I don't do such things anymore.

Vision

During the Urbana missions conference,  I had a vision in my heart that the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior was preached on the streets of Chicago Chinatown in the tongue of the Toisan people. That the middle-aged chinamen and near-retirement ah-Pohh's would learn about the love of Jesus even though for the remainder of their lives they'd expect to only know smelly big vans and Chinese-American restaurants of surburbia.

Spread Thin

For a long time I felt like I was half-assing life. What am I doing? For school, for flight, for friendships, for ministry, for God. Paycheck by paycheck, God gives me sufficiency. But for school, I study as last minute as I can, as little as I can. For flight, the same. For ministry, I do only when I'm told to do. I feel like I have no time to invest in friendships. For God and me. I feel God reaching out to me. I do.

I also see a friend who is completely halfassing life, and it reflects it on her grades, in her relationships, in her health, her mood, her energy, her life. I thought I was doing a good job a hiding my halfassingness, but nope, I'm just as bad.  God wants everything, not just halfass. I need to stop

This world has nothing for me (4x)

I need you Jesus come to my rescue
where else can I go?
there's no other name by which I am saved
capture me with grace

my parents bought me a car