Top Five Gifts for Your Significant Other

5. A two-year-membership to your local fitness club
 Nothing says, "I love you, but I'd love you more without that greasy fat under your white juicy arm" more than this gift. Show your partner just how much you care and how observing you are of every little detail from how tight her/his clothes fit to how creepily deep his/her breaths take After all the thought of this gift, you don't want to appear cheap so go for memberships that last at least 2 years. Lastly, be sure to not get a membership at this club yourself. Let him/her know how much you believe in and support his/her commitment by not being there.
4. A Souvenir
 A souvenir from your next trip to the gas station, that is. In the 21st century, people place more emphasis on the sentimental values of gifts. This gift idea has the perfect story. "You remember our first insert sentimentally significant event, yeah well I went back to that gas station we stopped at on the way there and I got you this." This bleeds romance.
3. A gift to share
Who says gifts are only meant for one person? Guys, get something for her that's really for you. Basketball Jersey? 50" tv? Sexy lingerie? Girls, you have the ultimate ability to deceive, nag, and argue for your points. For example, if he really cares about you, then you can buy yourself a pair of diamond earrings because they make you feel beautiful. And nothing should be more important to him than how you feel.
2. A Book
 Yes, nothing beats the gift of knowledge. Talk about extravagance! Whoo-hoo~ You're going to need some pepper spray with that book, because you won't be able to get his/her hands off of you when s/he finds out. What's often a nice touch is to pick a very unique book that practically no one has heard of. You can usually find these special books with red marks or yellow stickers. They are often beneath a large sign labeled C-L-E-A-R-A-N-C-E. Tell your significant other that this book symbolizes her/him, because although it isn't very popular, it's worth a Nobel Prize to you.

1. $10 gift card to Office Max

..Need I say more?

Good Luck Everyone. Actually, you won't need luck with this list. You'll get all the love and recognition from your significant other as you deserve.