I didn't really consciously want to admit it at first, but some major problems I was dealing with at camp last summer are still problems I need to work on right now. At camp, I struggled a lot with being the authority figure with my cabin each week. I just wanted to be the fun loving one. Then I realized I didn't know how to love my girls through discipline. I couldn't get them to respect me as a leader. I couldn't be the one to impress commands.
After two of my girls got in argument, one of them tried to step on the other girl's fingers. "No! You do not do that." She walked away and talked to another cabin leader.
"Don't you have any respect for me? Do my words mean nothing to you?" I asked her. But no words. I walked to the other room and cried.
I know she loved me. I know she knew my love, but she wasn't responding to me as authority because I never enforced that idea. No matter who I am paired to work with at camp, the other is always the disciplinary one. My partner is always the leader. I'm the one that babies them and sometimes they listen out of guilt. Week after week my partner always struggle with being the "mean" one and the one "less loved" or sometimes "hated one."
The same is happening in my apartment. We have a child living with us that I'd say is physically grown up but has the needs and issues as a camper. I did the same again and spoiled the girl with love that isn't Christ's love, it's a servant's love. It wasn't love by grace, it was love by stupidity. She couldn't see the things I did for her as acts of love, but as her well-deserved right.
My last day of campers for the summer, possibly for life. This girl was crying by herself because she didn't get her canteen money back. One of my proudest moments. Possibly my last moment of camper actually.
"Why are you crying? Didn't I tell you that everyone would get their canteen money back?"
"..but I didn't get mine!"
I got on one knee, to reach her eye-level like we learned in training.
..crying..
"K___, have I ever lied to you?"
"no"
"let's go get it back"
Hey, Tori, I'm like that sometimes too. But I realized the power of Authority to PROTECT when used well. So I guess we both have to keep growing in this aspect?
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, just an encouragement, it's humbling to work with others with different personalities and gifts, yet it's also very REWARDING when you see the Body of Christ working together to fulfill one purpose---To give glory and honor to God. :)
I have learned to work with people who are very different from me, and it had been one of the best experiences. You can do so much more!