I feel a flurry of emotions. I looked out the window today and the sight was of giant snow flakes indecisively floating in the air with no direction and no cause.
I feel a flurry of emotions. It's building up and the roof is caving in. I am not processing. I am avoiding. I am momentarily unable to react. I am stunned. It's like I'm going on autopilot, bullstg my way through life. I'm counseling young students. I'm leading our leaders. I'm assisting in meetings. I'm participating in events and activities, and I am there.. but so easily I can go through the motions and pray the prayers but be empty inside.
But this time, I'm not empty. I'm quite the contrary, I think. I am full with emotions. Full with feelings. I feel for my students. I feel for my campus. I feel for my cause. I feel for my team. I feel for all the things that haven't come yet. My heart is breaking. I am exhausted from feeling. I am deeply burdened. But my heart is not mending. I am not being renewed. I do not feel lightness in the load that I carry. I suppose the root of it comes from a shallow relationship with God. Maybe because of my sin issues, my fears, my insecurities, my doubts.. I am withholding myself from God. But maybe we're not supposed to be happy all the time. Maybe right now, I am righteously burdened. Maybe my heart is righteously breaking. Nonetheless, I can't sit here forever in hopelessness
Feeling. Feeling. Feeling.
Crying. Crying. Crying.
Lord, would you come? Would you hear my cry and come?
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