Every moment of every second

I think I'm still soaking it all in. All the hell that I've been going through because I've been trying to finish up this flight class from May, this license I've been working on since August 2011. I got it today! It's mine. It was completely grace. God's grace and the check airmen's grace. I knew the odds of me passing were slimmer than slim jim, slimmer than a piece of angel hair. In one of my many emotion breakdowns from the stress of this course, I cried out, "I thought the odds of me passing this course was maybe 10 or 20%, but actually the chances are zero, none. Absolutely none. I can't pass if my maneuvers are not to standards, and only one of all my maneuver was to standards the last time I flew." I didn't even practice short field landings since May! I couldn't even get my soft field landings to flare. Hell, even my normal landings were questionable. But that flight, my landings were beautiful. I'm not sure if the instructor helped me land, but I don't think so. It always feels like someone else is on the controls with your feet for some reason. My gosh, my biggest fear: Short-field landing. Upon touchdown of the main wheels, within maybe 2-3 seconds you apply breaks, flaps up, apply back pressure. I can't even describe how freakin' awesome my short field landing was. What the heck. Every single landing, the flare, the part I struggled with the most wasn't even the slightest problem today. My God in heaven who is almighty today and everyday.

After the check airmen passed me by his great grace and mercy I ran up the stairs to my 201A flight instructor who is my 200 ground instructor this year. My eyes were tearing up when I knocked on his door, but no answer. Then down the hall I saw my current instructor. Ah, I just couldn't hold it. I cried my little eyes out. How much I wanted a hug then, from anyone. I didn't even mind personal space at that moment, but I didn't ask for one, nor did I get one. But I just cried and gasped and smiled and cried and laughed. I took a breather outside and prayed and called my dad and tried calling some other people. Then I cried another time to someone else just by pure joy and pure I DON'T KNOW!!! Finally.. the sweetest part of my day. I waited for him after class, and showed him my private pilot wings. We went to his room to get my gift. I knew he hung a tshirt of my face in his office on the day that I had my first solo. The school was doing this new thing celebrating aviation milestones of the students in their program and putting a picture of the student and the plane online, He handed me a package and told me to open it. I opened it, it was pictures I posed for the website that he took after I landed on my first solo, I thought. I looked through more and more, and there was a picture of an airplane. And another picture of a take off. And another picture of a plane taxiing. And another picture of a plane in the sky. "What do you think, Tori?"
"I had no idea," I cried my heart out. He was there watching me the whole time. And he showed me the back of the t-shirt that I never got to see. "Don't give up on me, Mr. T" I told him that during one of our flights together, teary-eyed and feeling worthless and pathetic.

The experience getting my private pilot felt like hell, especially since March after getting lost and sqwaking 7700. I went through so many emotional explosions and I put myself through so much crap because I was drowning in self-pity, in guilt. "I feel stuck." If anything this experience made my passion for this career take root. I won't be blown over so easily. I am still not 100% sure what aviation will be for me in the future, but for now I feel confident that God says I can continue my flight training.

God was in control this whole entire time.  I went through all that, where I could've doubted and questioned where was God's love and mercy. Every moment of every second, he was there. He taught me so much more through the extra three months it took me to finish this course, the extra $4,000. Haha. But I trust in my God today. I trust in Him forever.