My best friend, my oldest and dearest friend who met me before I learned to walk, is dying. And I've been given his phone number in the hospital to call him, but I'm afraid. Afraid what my reaction would be. Because I'm not good at comforting people. I'm not good at expressing sympathy and motivation and encouragement. I'd either cry with them or stand and watch.

I don't know what to say to him. It's been so extremely long since I've seen him, maybe 2 or maybe even 3 years. I love them so much, but I'm afraid of the change that all of us have gone through. I'm afraid  to sit with them, at their table like I'd used to and watch them eat. I'm afraid I'd have nothing to say. I'm afraid I'm not cute enough anymore. My best friend is dying and I don't know what to say to him. It'd be a lot easier to not call him, but I know that would be the wrongest choice.

He and Sue were my truest friends. They were more like grandparents. I loved them a lot, but in a distant way where calling them and going out of my way to see them for two hours was bothersome. I feel the same way for my real grandparents. Except I don't think I can cry for my grandparents, not out of bitterness but placidity.

My best friend is dying and he's asking to talk to me and Kelly almost everyday. My best friend is dying and all I can do is talk to him, but I don't know what to say. I'm afraid I'd start crying he second I hear his weakened voice. I'm afraid there'd be no words coming out and I'd make him feel unloved.